Who Are the Role Models Guiding Your Life—and Who Are You Becoming?

Are you living the example you'd want others to follow?

"Let's be very clear: Strong men - men who are truly role models - don't need to put down women to make themselves feel powerful. Truly strong people lift others up. Truly powerful people bring others together." - Michelle Obama

Today, masculinity is undergoing a much-needed redefinition. For too long, the dominant scripts around manhood have been shaped by performance, suppression of emotion, and outdated power dynamics. This has created a deep crisis—not just for men and boys, but for society as a whole. Yet within this crisis lies an opportunity: to reclaim a healthy, integrated masculinity that nurtures strength and softness, direction and presence, action and compassion. At Unconditional Men, we explore how modern men can embody this shift—not only for themselves but as role models who lead with integrity, heart, and wholeness. This journey invites us to show up authentically and offer the kind of leadership the world is longing for.

Following last week’s post on the disconnection crisis of young boys, I wanted to look back at my own role models and how they influenced me—hopefully inspiring you to be, or become, a role model for the people around you and for your children.

Have you ever stopped to think about the role models who shaped your life?

Who were the people—real or imagined—who influenced your path, inspired your passions, gave you courage, or made you feel seen?

Whether we’re aware of it or not, we are continuously shaped by the people we look up to. They appear in many forms: a superhero from comics or screens, a parent, an artist, a writer, an entrepreneur, a coach, a teacher, a spiritual guide, a visionary leader… sometimes even someone we’ve never met. As we grow, our role models evolve with us, helping us navigate life’s many thresholds.

In turn, we all become role models ourselves—to our children, to the youth around us, to our peers, and even to our elders—through the integrity we embody and the lives we choose to lead.

Reflecting on who inspired us at different stages can offer deep insight into our journey—how we made decisions, why we changed course, and what we valued at a given time.

I'd love to share with you a few of the role models who influenced me over the years. Think of this as a journey in layers, each one part of the tapestry that has brought me here.

Childhood: In a Small Village with Big Dreams

I grew up in a small village, in a home where black-and-white TV played sparingly. The real soundtrack of my early life was the radio—and the jukebox in my parents’ bar. It blasted The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and Motown soul. That music moved me—literally. One day, inspired by the Tarzan movie starring Olympic swimmer Johnny Weissmuller, I swung from the wall-mounted radio and brought down my mum’s favourite sculpture. Chaos! But something awakened—energy, rhythm, boldness.

Heroes came through the screen: Batman in his campy sixties glory, and epic characters like Ben-Hur and Lawrence of Arabia. And closer to home, from my dad’s love of sports, I grew up in awe of Belgian cycling legends Eddy Merckx and Roger de Vlaeminck, who rode and trained in our very neighbourhood. I also remember being fascinated by astronauts—a first love for the futuristic, sparked by the Thunderbirds.

Teen Years: The World Expands

Some nights, my dad would wake me up to witness history. We’d watch the moon landing together, and live events like Muhammad Ali’s fights or Elvis in Hawaii. These moments whispered: There’s a bigger world out there, and it’s waiting for you.

Music evolved—glam rock swept me up with the likes of David Bowie, Roxy Music, and Marc Bolan. Their androgyny and artistry broke moulds I didn’t know could be broken. Around this time, I read Homer’s Odyssey. My life had already started feeling like one.

Roxy Music in 1972. Photo: Brian Cooke/Redferns

From On the Road by Kerouac, I wandered into jazz and the lives of Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, Thelonious Monk, Charles Mingus, Billie Holiday, James Baldwin, and Langston Hughes. I resonated with their genius artistry and the emotional depth beneath their resistance.

Charles Mingus with Thelonious Monk, Roy Haynes and Charlie Parker at the Open Door in New York City, 1953. Photo:Bob Parent

It wasn’t just sound and words—I discovered Japanese culture through Mishima, explored European cinema through Fellini, Bergman, and Godard, and became entranced by surrealist art and deep philosophical inquiries from Sartre to Simone de Beauvoir. Henry Miller’s novels connected me to the work of Anaïs Nin, introducing me to her inner feminine world—something I deeply resonated with.

Twenties: Becoming My Own Role Model

In my twenties, the role models became people I worked with and shared stages with. I was living my dream, playing sax, immersed in the creative scenes of Ghent and Brussels. Independent visionaries like Michel Duval (Les Disques du Crépuscule) and Marc Hollander (Crammed Discs) inspired me deeply with their projects and collaborations.

These were the people who made things happen. Their courage to follow their vision became the new bar for me. I was still soaking in new ideas, new art, new music. My radar was tuned to the pulse of those bringing beauty and rebellion into the world.

I started organising my first house parties, experimenting with integrating different art and media forms on top of the new electronic dance music we were discovering back then. Exciting times!

Thirties: Fatherhood and Tech Awakening

My thirties brought the wildest twist—becoming a father to triplet daughters. This wasn’t just a life event. It was a full initiation into responsibility and care. I had to ground myself, and still find ways to nourish my curiosity.

In 1994, I watched a documentary about Wired Magazine. It lit me up. Technology, innovation, art, culture—coming together in this new frontier. I discovered new heroes: Howard Rheingold, Kevin Kelly, Jaron Lanier, Douglas Rushkoff. These thinkers were not just shaping tech—they were dreaming new societal structures.

I created my own house parties and multimedia events, like projecting Brian Eno’s art in 3D, and managed spaces like the Cybertheatre in Brussels, hosting pioneers like John Perry Barlow and Jaron Lanier. My passion for mixing and bridging disciplines found new ground.

I saw how visionary thinking could be channeled into real-world impact.

Forties: Mobile Movements, Innovation & Global Connection

By the 2000s, I was in Barcelona, immersed in the mobile revolution. My role models? The entrepreneurs, risk-takers, and change-makers I collaborated with in the global startup ecosystem. Together with Carles Ferreiro, we created spaces for dialogue, innovation, and global exchange.

I was travelling the world, speaking at events, and living inside the innovation wave.

A turning point came with my executive program at Singularity University. Meeting Peter Diamandis and real astronauts brought my childhood dreams full circle. But it also revealed the limits of techno-utopian thinking. My heart began yearning for something deeper.

I felt a pull back to the heart, to stillness, to the Earth.

Fifties: Reconnection, Regeneration, and Indigenous Wisdom

This longing pulled me into Socratic Design, where I took a sabbatical from tech and tuned into Nature as the ultimate teacher. Meeting Canay and moving to Turkey opened the door to indigenous wisdom, Sufi culture, and regenerative living.

New role models and teachings emerged—people like Joseph Campbell, Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, Abraham Hicks, Tony Robbins, Mooji, Gabor Maté, Joe Dispenza, Brené Brown, Charles Eisenstein, Daniel Schmachtenberger, Daniel-Christian Wahl, Laura Storm, and countless unknown but deeply wise individuals in off-grid communities.

When we moved to Ibiza, we called it “the lab for the future of humanity.” There, I met individuals building regenerative communities and redefining the meaning of work, leadership, and life.

Many of these are the kind of men I now consider Unconditional Men—embodying presence, vulnerability, strength, and openness to the dance of life between the masculine and the feminine.

Now: In My Sixties—Collective Wisdom, Role Models Everywhere

Now in Belgium, in my sixties, I find role models everywhere: in the learning communities, I’m part of, in those leading with heart, in those building bridges toward the next paradigm shift, in men’s circles, in children’s playfulness, in the tears of a father who dares to share his story.

Interestingly, much of the inspiring energy I see today is feminine—inviting the masculine to lead with the heart and creating space for the masculine to take loving, purposeful action. This dance between the two feels like the future of leadership, and it’s the most exciting and hopeful time of my life.

This might be the most defining chapter of my life—the one where I feel in full alignment, co-creating with others, witnessing the next paradigm emerge. Not in theory—but in embodied action.

A Personal Invitation

This is a powerful exercise—one that not only helps us understand our past, but reminds us of the importance of who we choose to be in the present. We are all role models to someone—whether we’re aware of it or not.

Looking back, I am tremendously grateful to all those amazing humans who have been part of my journey—and to be able to live life from its most beautiful and wondrous expression.

So I invite you to take a moment to reflect:

• Who were your role models as a child?

• Who inspired you as a teenager? As an adult?

• Who are your role models now?

You might be surprised by how your life starts making more sense. How the patterns reveal themselves. How the path to increased awareness begins.

And most importantly—remember that you are also a role model. Whether you’re conscious of it or not. For your children. Your friends. Your community.

Are you living the example you'd want others to follow?

So let’s be intentional—and live lives that invite others into authenticity, creativity, and courage.

Who were your role models? I’d love to hear your stories—feel free to reply, share, or join one of our upcoming gatherings, like the Unconditional Men Circles below.

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Unconditional Men Circles

The Unconditional Men "Connect With Your Essence" monthly circles offer a space free from distractions, where you can pause, reflect, and rediscover what is most authentic within you. Together, in community, we cultivate presence, resilience, and the power to lead from within.

Join us in this monthly free online men’s journey of self-discovery and connection to connect with your essence. Every last Thursday of the month: 7:30-21:00 CET.

The next event is Thursday, March 27. Info & registration here.

Mixed circles where the masculine invites the feminine to dialogue in circles are to be announced soon. Stay tuned!

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A Cathartic Story of Masculinity

Join me and Jean-Philippe Steeger on April 10 (5pm CET) for a community conversation about the role and potential of the masculine in leadership and societal transformation today.

This conversation is neither a return to archaic masculinity nor a call for men to simply become more feminine—it is an invitation to explore new ways of embodying and narrating what masculinity can mean today. Through personal stories, historical context, and inspiring examples, we challenge ourselves to step into the potential of a healthy, integrated masculinity at a time when everything feels at stake.

This is not just another conversation about men; it is a call to co-create a new narrative—one that speaks to the masculine in men, in female leaders, and in trans change-makers alike. It promotes our collective readiness to move beyond crisis and reaction, toward a deeper, more connected, and more fulfilling expression of what it means to be masculine in the world today.

More info and registration here.

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Masterminding Eden

Many friends are involved in this amazing regenerative project July 1-31, 2025 in Interlaken, Switzerland. I’m not 100% sure yet I’ll be there but you can apply here.

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That’s it for this week. Take good care of yourself and your beloved ones.

Wishing you an amazing week 🙌🏼

With love and curiosity,

Rudy

Follow my social media activities on Linktree.

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Additional Unconditional Men reading:

• The Masculinity Reckoning—Redefining Strength, Connection, and Leadership

• Leading in a New Reality - Cathartic Leadership

• Ode to My Mother

• Unconditional Masculinity

• The Unresolved Shadow of the Wounded Masculine

Or check the Unconditional Men newsletter archive.